Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize