Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
