considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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