I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
