I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
