She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
