she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
