Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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