She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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