In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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