i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
