i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
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