my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
