Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
