Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize