That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
