No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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