i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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