is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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