Quick, to the slutcave!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
