I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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