I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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