READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
