Non-Jews are for practice
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
