pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
