I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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