Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize