Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
