You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
