FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
