I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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