We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
