a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
