let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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