he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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