Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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