Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
