He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
