Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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