somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
