my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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