I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm always down for nudity.
tell me about the fingering
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