FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
