is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
