life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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