Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
