and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
