sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
