there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
