i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
