I'm eating all of the evidence.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
