Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
