That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
