She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
