There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
