I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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