nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
