Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
