We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
