I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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