At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
