i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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