So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
