last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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