I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
