i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I will pee on everything he values.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
