I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
