Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
