just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
