I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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