she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
