I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
