On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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