Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
