My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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