What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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