I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
