i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
