i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
