I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize