And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
only if we run a train.
done.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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