i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
