from now on my penis is your penis
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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