If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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