I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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