i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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